TOPIC: This is me....???

I'm a person with little trust, and little trust to give.
Trust with me is hard to earn, but when trust is broken, i trust people even less.

Over the years, I've lost so much trust in people. Most of the time i just don't like people. I'd rather be to my self, doing my own thing.

i only trust 2 people IRL at this point. I trust more people online than i do IRL.

IRL i trust

TheNeonRaider(Went to school with him),
Brant(One of myn and neons friends).


Online:
Ryan
Simmy
Grizzy
Lit


I've found college has made me lose more trust than school ever did.
I guess as i grew older i realized how people were.


I also trust others more than my self. When i'm with people inside i am scared, I have such little trust for my self, when i am around people, That little trust is because of how i am, who i can become, and what can happen.

I got asked today, "Why do i punch walls?"(I currently have a broken knuckle due to it, WITH padded sparing gloves). That question made me think even more, and i said/hinted to something about me, that even dan has not known after 7 yrs.
My answer to the question was, "I would rather punch a wall, and break a bone, than punch someone else".

You could say there is 2 of me, 1 being the insecure person on the out side, and the other, being the pained, the worried and scared, The second being who i truly am.
All the emotion i have, goes straight past the showing me, and straight to the person inside, which builds and builds and builds. i'm always on the verge of changing in to the person i am scared of, the person i try to avoid, but sometimes he just comes out, He comes out, taking control, scaring who i am.

I have such little trust in my self, because i am scared who who is inside, and what can happen.



I find the forums more comforting, more welcoming, I find the people i become close with online, care more, than the people IRL.


This is for me to understand, and help my self. Danny you will also slowly learn the things, brant learnt about me, The things i was never comfortable talking to you about(Only took 7 yrs but you know).






P.S 1 way of me coping with some things, is that i joke about it. I've even joked about the things that could kill me.
-Anon

Yeh i can say when you get older you definitely start to notice more untustworthy people, its annoying how you must always be on guard for people like that.
Glad too see im trusted, ill just have to plan a big scam

You need to trust some people and keep eyes on others, Goodluck in Collage though dude.

I love you Anon. What you said man.. I couldn't agree more.

I like to be by myself and do my own thing, but at times this gets boring and I hang out with a few people I trust. We all have our problems and the Online world can take our minds off of things however very often does this actually have an outcome on reality, this is why you push through your problems by telling those your trust as it does help relive a certain part of your conscience. Have fun in college and don't study too hard!

Jordz wrote:
Meh college is just another thing to bore me for 2 more years xD. I don't trust, because of the people i once trusted.
Coutinroy wrote: Awww shucks Coutinroy xD.

Sally wrote:
I normally do. There is someone (Brant) WHo knows basically everything, But there is always somethings you can't tell everyone xD. Dan now knows this one thing, that i can't really just bring up to people, with how they may react, or think. xD

Hahaha I don't study what you talking about hahahahha


TBH zarp's changed me to a certain degree, In some sense it has made me more open with certain things.


-Anon

You're a great guy dude, the only people you need to trust is close friends and family, If you want to trust more people you take more risks, good luck with yourself dude, and I hope you do well at college.

Anon_Gaming wrote:
This is deep... Are you seeing a psychiatrist or something btw?

No, I do not. I found ways of calming it(Hard to explain to college though lol). but i tend to like to punch things, which is why i need to get a punching bag, I guess it is a way of quickly releasing it. BTW TIP don't use walls as punching bags. OR lockers in a school xD.

Brandify wrote:
It's hard to gain trust from me anyway, and little ammount of people have gained it. Every now and then i do a little trust test with people i'm talking to. In one of the cases, i no longer talk to the person.

And Brandify, As much of a pain you are, i will still always come talk to you

Thx on the college parts, Me and Neon are both on Game Dev atm


-Anon

You're making this all thing so complicated. I don't know who said this but something along the lines of "Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated".

Try looking for a different perspective?

Stop punching walls, get a punching bag

It's great that you feel you can open up on the forums man.

Glad you trust me as well and we have built up a friendship over this game aha.

Much love xoxoxo

- Lit

Aidan|DaleAGaming wrote:
You would think by now i would have lol. I clearly don't make the smartest of decisions when it comes to that lol.
(I also read that, and smiled xD)

Lit_johnson wrote:
TBH a day with out you wouldn't be right, You just add the Spice in to the day and bring the "WTF are you doing" to TS xD.


An answer to the Phychiatrist. My main way of dealing with things, is music. I listen to music in a different manner to most.

When i play music, i'm not just listening for the fun, I'm listening to it, i try and find out, Beat, Tempo, Notes, after i figure different things of the song, I will start making a little beat using my surroundings. Sometimes i will go sit at my piano, And either do Improv, or i will listen to a song, and start playing.


I know everyone has their issues, But the first step to fixing things, is admitting to them, and acknowledging them, for others to see, then there is nothing to hide.


I am also still waiting to see one of these clowns around my local Town lol.


-Anon

Go to the psychiatrist
it will help all your problems

I hope I can earn your trust btw, be my friend I make people happy!
www.steamcommunity.com/id/xdlmaourbad

People trying to find freinds ahah
Dont hate pls ∞

No wonder you were banned. Thanks for giving a negative impact on people.