Some of you are aware that I have some long-standing issues with anxiety, mental health concerns, etc.
I'd like to explore that, quickly. Maybe give some insight into why someone might feel the way they do.
I was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome when I was sixteen years old. Mostly because I exhibited heavy Post-Traumatic Stress symptoms after I'd been mugged. Before that, I was in a pretty uneven household, with parents that fought a lot, and ultimately separated when I was thirteen. The following years were difficult because while I was trying to find my place, I was also happy to just follow others, and I was always terrified to step on other people's toes.
This followed me throughout my life. I used to call my trigger-times "resets." Where I'd sort of become very dissociated, wouldn't really talk, would find it very difficult to engage in an emotional way other than sadness. Over time, that evolved into anxiety, a lot of self-doubt, a lot of borderline self-loathing, and difficulties revolving around self-esteem. I'd have panic attacks fairly frequently, and these resets became meltdowns when I started becoming more visibly upset.
So, why does all of this happen?
Well, to put it simply, you know how when you attempt to deconstruct a situation, you think about it a little bit after the fact, and ultimately, it sort of becomes part of your growth. For me, it's more... I need things to feel normal. As is common with a lot of people with Asperger Syndrome, and ASD, I'm not fond of change. So, when something happens, and my current experiences can't explain it, and I can't get an answer for that situation - or if something just feels uneven and strange, I start to worry. Sometimes, I can shrug it off. In fact, most times I can do so. But the times I can't, my brain becomes more and more muddled. I ruminate, which means there's ninety-nine problems... and no solutions. My brain loops, until turning the problem inward, blaming myself for not understanding it, hating myself for not being able to deal with it. Then I hate myself more for reacting in an unusual way to something that can be fixed.
This has followed me throughout much of my life, and while it is something I've worked on, it is also something that there is no easy fix to. In December, as some of you may already know, I attempted to take my own life when things became too problematic. When my brain was inundated with these negative thoughts, and I could no longer think of a normal solution or fix.
I'd like you to know that while I am fine, now - I still have lots of down days. My anxiety this year has been very severe, and a lot of days, I worry things won't ever be the same. But it's also about having the persistence and the tenacity to keep persevering, knowing that life is going to throw you constant curveballs.
Anyway, I apologise for the text dump, I just thought someone might benefit from seeing a different perspective on thought processes, mental health, and the pursuit of growth. If you're curious, I tend to handle it by trying to spend time with friends, going for runs and listening to music and working on my writing, aswell as general exercise. Some people have suggested that exercise does help - I'd be lying if I said it didn't help in some ways, but only as much as other things that offer the same brief reprieve from the taxing rumination. But again - I'm fine. I'm taking it day by day. I'll take any questions if you have any.
Thanks for reading.
I'd like it if you message me brother so we can talk as I feel like I can understand where you are coming from in life 
DarkRP 1 
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