TOPIC: Sorry

So, as of late, I've been a bit aggresive in places, something you might have noticed. Denis said it had to do with me not getting CM, although that's not actually true. As you might have seen in my inactivity post I'm absolutely burnt out right now. I've been taking less good care of myself, my school work has been lacking and I've spent more and more time stressed out because of school, work and ZARP.

Today was my first day of the Christmas holidays and the first day in months where I've literally not had to worry about anything. That, to be honest, was the most liberated I've felt in ages. I've spent the whole day watching Netflix and, although that isn't exactly productive, it's the first time when I've done it without feeling guilty for not doing the things I'm supposed to be doing.

Because I'm going to my family tommorow I will basically not do anything for a week or so, with maybe a bit of school work thrown inbetween.

As today is the first day where I've felt a bit more like myself, I guess I should apologise for my recent behaviour, both on the forums as well as to some people over Steam. A few months ago someone told me that I have to stand my ground a bit more and not be pushed away as easily, something which has been an issue for me for a while now. As you might recall, I was trying to be nice to literally everyone. It wasn't always quite as easy, however I stressed out massively every time that someone showed some form of apathy towards me.

Because of what the person told me, I decided I should maybe drop the nice act and show a bit more of how I actually feel. Not to a personal, harassing level, but at the very least to the level where I'd call people out for their idiotic behaviour even if my personal opinion of them wasn't that bad. It was also at this point that I shared Stone's Steam messages between me and him on the forums, where he insulted the entire TTT staff team whilst pretending to be kind on the forums and on Teamspeak. Call it a breach of trust or going too far, however out of all the things I've done in the past few months that is not something I regret.

Keeping the advice that was given to me in mind, I became a bit more agressive as time passed, especially when I started to get extremely stressed and generally burnt out in real life. Over the past week it has hit an extreme where I decided to call people out for their stupidity without any real goal - Stone was applying for staff and blatantly lying to everyone's faces, but the people that I called out on the forums for being stupid were doing no such thing. I wasn't helping the community by calling them idiots - I was only stroking my own ego.

Did I truly believe in the things I said? Yes, yes I did - however the way I said those things could have been done a lot nicer. Whenever I respond to applications or appeals or reports or whatever, I always try to do so from an analytical standpoint without taking the argument to a personal level. That's because I want to be treated the exact same way. When I'm applying, I'd rather people see me for what I try to do than how I may have treated them (either kindly or unkindly).

The fact that I took my arguments to a personal level, even though that's the exact thing I'd rather avoid, shows how much I've changed over the past year since joining ZARP. It might have to do with me getting burnt out, but they are still my own actions and behaviour and I feel rather bad for having changed in such a negative way.

I hope to become more calm and more like myself these coming weeks and I hope that everyone that I insulted on a more personal level can forgive me.

I'd like to specifically apologise to the following people:
I cannot think of anyone else who I have personally insulted for practically no reason right now, but out of the list Michael is the one I should mostly apologise to. Although what he said was extremely insulting to me and my family, I should not have responded the way I did.

So yeah. I hope to be properly back with a more positive attitude in the new year. Have a great holiday everyone!

is it that time of the month ?

Yes I agree u were very aggressive to me once cus u agreed when people called me mean names xD relax take some time away and chill forget and come back as the usual you buddy. Always have fun and don't worry everyone has there moments of anger all is forgiven now go have a great Christmas week buddy

Johnler said: "Raeker, you have changed so much. You are way more aggresive now than you were before. Please change"
Raeker replied: "No Johnler it's my job to be like that and don't fucking criticize me for it"
Johnler then said: "Okay Raeker, just saying though, you are a bit too aggresive"

Glad you realised that yourself and i really hope you actually behave less like you hate everyone and everything lol

Good boy <3

All is well buddy ol pal

beanboy

Well this is one way to get your post count up with all these sorry posts!


jk man luv u really <3

Haven't really seen any of this from you, surely it's not a big deal but thanks for apologizing.

Keep being aggressive I like it

To be honest the aggressiveness turns me on!

I'm going to be completely honest, I made a fuck up, and you saw it, you did what anyone would do if they were offended, but maybe took it a little bit too far, just like how I did, glad to be friends again though.
"Raeker: Heck, I want to fucking kill you over this"
Just a little bit aggressive, but I already accepted the apology <3

Hey man i appreciate the fact that you come on here to apologize, takes quite the man to do it publicly. Either way i know how you have felt man when i was CM there was TOOONS of times where i wanted to say or do some shit that i knew was not gonna be okay. Think of it this way you have applied for the current positions you are in, and since you are in such a respected position you are one of the "faces" of Zarp people look up to you so ALWAYS show yourself as professional as possible no matter what that is one thing i have learned (shout out to Chute) And if you feel you are about to break remember it's always better to step away then, or call EMP or DCX


It's always ok to have fun but the forums are not the perfect place since EVERYONE can see it and use it against you later

You're a great guy Raeker, and I'm excited to start speaking to you more again (:

i like being dominated

where is my apology at?
defamation of character

Sorry for bothering you today espically that you were trying to take a day off

FluffyOP wrote: Sorry, but I'm not apologising to you. I didn't take that conversation to a personal level, you did. I apologised to Keith because I was the one that started that argument and started accusing him of thngs he had nothing to do with. If anyone should apologise for what was said between us two it's you.

It's impressive how people can keep going at a guy that already bowed his head. Lack of respect bothers me, Reaker your a great guy man. Don't let these attention needing people get under your skin