TOPIC: Ballad of a Furniture salesman Chap 1

"Smells like shit like always" Foster thought to himself as he tussles in the uncomfortable prison garb, taking in some of its odor. Suddenly and with a thunderous crash the jail cell door slides open and a ray of light streams in like he was just saved by god....

It's no divine angel, its an angry prison guard. "You're free, now get out of my sight scum" He slams his baton against the cell door, making a loud clang to vent his anger! Foster sighs and quickly walks out smirking and as he passes the prison guard he decides to leave him with a little reminder "Guess you won't be beating me anymore huh? Gotta find someone else..." The guard grips his baton tightly as some sweat streams down his face in anger.

With that finished, Foster exits the prison... yawning deeply as he stares into the sun for a second without blinking to get himself awake. He sees a nice car in the parking lot, he thinks of stealing it... but considering the lack of equipment at hand he doesn't want to risk it. He continues moving onwards, a bus is ready to pick him up and take him back to his home town of Rockford, where he belongs. He climbs onto the bus as the doors shut, making rusted noises while doing so...Foster squints, his eyebrow twitches "Hey care if you service this thing once in a while!" he shouts to the bus driver who doesn't seem to listen. Foster sits down on of the yellow seats as the bus starts its chug towards Rockford.

Clutching his face Foster tries to hold in his tears, this fateful day this return to his home town... he wonders if his family will welcome him back... or remember him at all. He is suddenly knocked out of his upset state by a guy who is atleast a few inches taller then he is.. maybe 6 feet 6 inches, his impossibly black hair sucking the color out of everything immediately catches Foster's eye. "Move" The man speaks as he pushes Foster to the window side of the seat.

"So... s...so.." Foster tries to speak up, this guy looks like he could break him in two if he tried hard enough... so he is understandably nervous. "What was I in for?" The man finishes Foster's sentence creepily over with partially squinted eyes, like he has dirt in them. Foster gulps "Yeah.." and almost immediately gets a response "Set-up by the cops" is all the man says before quickly going silent for the rest of the trip, Foster being too scared to ask any more questions.

Noon draws near as the bus pulls around a corner through a forested path and stops at a bus terminal near some apartments. "Alright here is your stop... Mister.... Foster and.. eh?" The bus driver squints at the piece of paper scribbled with names. "Pro-Scope". Both Foster and the man with black hair beside him rises... Foster can't help but get witty "Wait your name is Pro-Scope? That sounds like a silly hit-mans name!" Pro-scope does not react to the harsh insult towards his name as he steps off the bus alongside Foster.

The bus pulls away... just as it passes a corner Pro-Scope mutters "Don't talk shit about my name"

Enjoyed reading it, keep it up bro!

If it's all the same to you - I like your drive. But at the same time, I can't help but feel you could use a bit of work with your writing style. It might need a bit of editing and proofreading. Fortunately for you, you've posted on a forum that doesn't really have a lot of people who care about this sort of thing. Contact either myself, or Sally. She's quite good at proofreading.

Other than that, fairly solid. I can see where you're going, and you're doing okay getting there so far.

Thanks for sharing this story.

I know, usually I have a problem with translation in regards to my idea to the actual text, I would probably be better at directing then writing but hey, I am optimistic about developing a career of it.

Thanks for the feedback Epiphany!

I think it's great we have another writer in the mix. Especially one that's enthusiastic about creating and posting those creations. You'll do great here, and learning about these things is how we grow as writers.

I have similar issues, but I've grown enough to know what to fix and what's not a big deal. Unless I go full grammar nazi. In which case, it's a different matter. Ha.

I shan't hesitate to read your work in future.

Plot twist. Pro-scope is Foster.

Like Fight Club.

This made me giggle quite a bit, the implications of that is hilarious.

Bump

Bump

Wow I had fun reading this.

Keep it up!

I enjoyed reading this man!